Limerick Taxonomy

the wonderous world of the Boutique Limerick



The Spoonerick

This is the bird-watching (word-botching) of Rev. W. A. Spooner (1844-1930) applied to the limerick.  It has been brought to an artform by Bob Giandomenico.
 

Chung the wood-carver’s craft is unique,
And his droll figurines buyers seek.
Though his brothers are skilled
Carvers too, yet he’s billed
As being the best Chung in teak.
Bob Giandomenico

The Cape Verde, Treadwell, Ulva, and Uttoxeter Limericks

Certain proper nouns present a real challenge to the Limerick writer.  Sometimes the challenge lies in finding the right rhyme — sometimes in avoiding it.
 

There was an old man from Cape Verde
Who captured a fabulous bird:
The nest that it built
Was lined with a quilt,
And the eggs that it sat on were shirred.
William K. Alsop

A trusting young woman named Treadwell
Believed that she knew Uncle Fred well;
But he tossed her in bed
On top of the spread,
And it seems that this maid was misled well.
William K. Alsop
 
There was a young lady of Ulva
Who drunkenly said: ‘What a hulva
Party ya mizd,
Why I gozzo pizd
I saw more lil’ people than Gulva.’
Bill Greenwood
 
There was a young bride from Uttoxeter
Who found married life made her buttocks sore.
But ’twas not hubby’s thump
On her sweetly curved rump,
But the way that he’d snap his used jocks at her.
   Arthur Deex
 
The Beheaded Limerick

Really good ones are hard to come by . . .

 
A certain young pate who was addle
Rode a horse he alleged to be saddle,
But his gust which was dis
For his haps which were mis,
Sent him back to his lac which was Cadil.
Arthur Shaw

                     

The Happy Relations Limerick

This is surely the most difficult of the Botique Limericks to compose.   And the best, by far, is the famous one about the Steins:
 

There’s a notable clan yclept Stein:
There’s Gertrude, there’s Ep, and there’s Ein.
Gert’s prose has no style,
Ep's statues are vile,
And nobody understands Ein.

The Double Limerick

One can only guess at the rules for Double Limericks — they are not unlike Siamese twins, sometimes separable into a pair of stand-alone Limericks, sometimes inexorably joined for better or worse.   The indentation rules, like the protocol for the children’s poolside game, Marco Polo, are unknowable by adults; just when you think you’ve grasped the pattern it all fades away.
 

A bimbo imbibing the beverage
An old southern belle known as Lou
Leaned out a train window for leverage.
Was daring Rhett Butler to screw.
He said, “I’m not queer,
But frankly, my dear,
When the OR team quit
She had only one tit —
I don’t give a shit about you!”
Which for Homo Sapiens is the average.
Martin Wellborn
David M.
 
The Abbreviation Limerick

This is the Limerick that mixes common abbreviations with, shall we say, un-common ones — like Mr. (mister) and Kr. (kissed her).
 

An amorous M. A.
Said of Cupid, the C. D.
“Sometimes for a joke
He picks the wrong bloke:
Jimmy Swagart that P. T.”
Arthur Deex
 
The Limeraiku

Invented by Ted Pauker, this misfit straddles the three line 5-7-5 syllable domain of the haiku and the aabba realm of the limerick.
 

Undo a girl’s bra
In the spa, ’cause to not chew
The fat’s a faux pas.
Arthur Deex

The Crossword Puzzle Limerick

First created by John Dole, they read like the definitions in a puzzle.

 
A crossword compiler named Moss
Who found himself quite at a loss
When asked, “Why so blue?”
Said, “I haven’t a clue
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.”
John Dole

“It’s crescent shaped rolls that I want” 
Cooed the shapely, urbane debutante.
        “Didn’t rush off to town
        And just scarf 1 Down;
I relaxed when I 8 Across aunt.” 
                                                   Arthur Deex

“Christianity's Son of the Boss,”
Was a clue that left him at a loss
         Till he found he could use
         “The King of the Jews”
For nailing 1 Down, 2 Across. 
                                               Jerry Nordal       

The Bingo Limerick

Another strange form that includes the letter/number call from Bingo.

                     As the bingo announcer's voice boomed,
                     To the all-you-can-eat bar I zoomed.
                                  I ate teeny amounts
                                  Of the bread (just an ounce)
                     To make up for the B5 consumed.
                                                                    Jerry Nordal